Wednesday, December 29, 2004
the cherry on my cake just went back, its back to square number 1 now, but still there are a few changes. my life is not really as mundane as i make it up to sound. on the other hand today is just one of the very few days mr sunshine is shining on me.
i just got done watching 'Reefer Madness' on MTV. It was made in the thirties, and if people took one toke of the devil drug; marijuana, they'd space-out big time, kill one another, have affairs, run over innocent victims in cars. they sent this teenager, who looked like the beaver, on murder rap. that's more excitement than i can handle. it was like a big over-exaggeration. But i accept the whole idea behind it. POT sucks. i know that from personal experience, because for a while there i became almost as lethargic as a moldy piece of cheese. i think that was a big problem with my mom and i.
sedated at 7:52 AM
Sunday, December 12, 2004
when i grow up i want to be a faggot, nigger, cunt, whore, jew, spic, kraut, wop, sissie, whitey hippie, greedy, money making, healthy, sweaty, hairy, masculine, quirky new waver, right wing, left wing, chicken wing, chiken shit, ass kicking, dumb fuck, nuclear physicist, alcoholics anonymous counselor, psychiatrist, journalist, stink fist, romance novelist, gay, black, cripple, junkie, HIV positive, hermaphrodite, flipper baby, anorexic, king , queen, pawnbroker, stock brocker, pot smoker, rock journalist, stuffy, cranky, middle-aged, bitter, little scrawny, opinionated, old, booking agent and editer of a fanzine that segregates the small percent into even a smaller percent. keep them divided, ghettoize, united we stand(who am i kidding?) do not respect others sensitivities. kill yourself kill ourselfs KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE RAPE GREED GREED GREED GOOD YES KILL MYSELF.
p.s i'm halfway there already.
my day was made at 2.05a.m today when my aunt joey came back from a pre christmas party telling me in her soft spoken and caring sort of way that no matter what happens i have to remember that she loves me and i suddenly realise it's been awhile. forsaken the people who truly care but i'm not delusioned i'm starting to pick up the pieces. the melancholia is getting in my arteries and it fucks to have to nod off everynight for nuts. but i love it so much it makes me sick.
i found out how much of a loser i am, allowing the people i treasure step all over me, its time i find out the good from the bad. get it on good with him,jill. for now I'll take advantage while you hang me out to dry.
sedated at 10:02 AM
Friday, December 10, 2004
Dear people of the digustingly revolting sub wave, and the entity of all corporate Gods, how fucking dare you embrace such nonsense and trash journalism when you cows know shit about me. my life's dedication now is to do nothing but slag the beings who assume they know the turmoil i'm going through. i can survive without you twats easily, the old school is going down fast.remember.
inside, i know there is a litle monster in my head that says, "you know you'll feel better"but i'm a paradox in a way that i can be brutally and intensely strong; yet fragile and weak.i want a tie-dyed shirt made with the blood of the springer family.
at a store near you;
euphoria, heroin, flowers, perfume, candy, love.
i need to express my appreciation to unencouraging parents, friends, acquaintances everywhere, you guys give me the will to show u guys up.
sedated at 1:02 PM
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Lee Huei Min solo together with mikhail rudy and the russion symphonic orchestra was a blast.
time is coming to get me, and just like all the things it has taken away, its gonna bring me there swift but subtly. all of the glory will burn like that of the leland family. the brighter note contrasting the figured dementia is that i feel like a child again for the wrong reasons. this whole event* just sucked the life out of me through the crack in the head. it was inevitable and i could see it from the start. and i was dumb to actually believe it* actually existed. to fuck with the braincells stuck in the head.
for those who actually care, maksim is in singapore.
sedated at 8:19 PM
Sunday, December 05, 2004
hahahahahahahahahah. utter rubbish. i have a mind of a demented madman. kenji donald cobain.
i hate mum, mum hates dad.
dad hates mum, i hate dad.
-on the contrary, i hate someone else too.
i'm putting it on hold, cause (i aint got no watchamallic)now tim only you know this hahahah.
amazing; the strength of will.
sedated at 11:19 AM
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Alright!, we're gonna go PARANOID!
i just realised i missed a day, but i'm too wrecked to care anyway.
i cannot be bothered with the world or anything that matters cause nothing really matters now. i could go on and on but it wouldnt work out.
sure i have people around me that seem to care but there isn't a point of being a socialite when the case of the ex is in inclusion.doesn't make things any better. i dont give a fucking hoot to things/people that hinder me in getting me started out on life.
i need some time to do the things i used to do, nothing is taking me back; am sick of having to deal with things that go astray often when you try to set them straight and i dont want to feel redundant anymore.
i'll leave it here till the good times come.
sedated at 1:16 AM
Sunday, November 28, 2004
negative self depression is not depression to be considered.
i know now to love myself more.
sedated at 8:42 AM